Relieving the stress

Since starting this journey into "me" I have, and continue to face alot of things. Now is the time I need to start acting on the things I've faced and start making alterations. Although I would like to become a completely different person in some ways I agree with the ones who have told me that change is good, but reformation isnt needed because it would take away the person they know and love. One of the major things that needs to change, and with lightening speed, is my stress and its causes. After long thought I feel that to confront all stress I need to start with the root. Start with the first thing that ever caused me stress and when that's taken care of I can eventually work my way to present day, wiping out all the stress factors along the way. This is a huge task, but will have enough little victories to make me know I'm making progress even though there won't be immediate satisfaction. From a very early age I've been faced with conflicting views of religion, so to avoid the drama I fell away from the conformed religious views and considered myself ''agnostic''. I still had my fundamental belief system that there is something out there but not sure what. I adopted the phrase "I'm spiritual not religious", which in all honesty was me hiding. I have hid so many things not only from others but myself as well that I know it's now time to uncover myself and let "me" shine. No more worrying whether I'm too much for others to handle because if I am then it's not someone I need in my life. I need to be completely accepted and completely loved for me, the directors cut version not the made for TV one. To do this I need to start in the beginning, what brought me here, how do I exist. Time to start delving into an area I quite honestly don't want to go, but it has to be done. So many things have happened to me recently that lead me to believe I need to question my religious views and my relationship with my creator. Obviously I can't live my life on my own and since a physical partner isn't looking too promising, maybe this is where I need to rely on a metaphysical one. I've had signs everywhere lately that are leading me in this direction. The first one is when I met someone who has become so special to me that words are useless in describing my connection to them. Coming from the family she does where their faith is a huge part of their life the conversation has come up several times. Then I started seeing commercials more frequently, another friend started going back to church inviting me every Sunday (which I have yet to commit to), all these signs pointing me in a certain direction. Lastnight , however, after already making the decision I need to face this, I read a quote from a family friend that really touched my heart. It wasn't necessarily the words as much as the symbolism, and how it pertains to me. "Faith is not always an instrument of change. Sometimes it is a means of survival". Seeing as how I've been struggling with surviving as opposed to just existing the last few months, it hit home. It also put me at ease with the fact that to face religion for me doesn't mean I have to change and become a "bible thumper". I had made the comment earlier in the night "I've never seen myself as a religious person". I felt if I discovered religion and how it lives in me, then I would be changing the core of me. I know realize that isn't necessarily the case, and even if it does then obviously it's what needs to happen.