The last couple weeks i've been doing a lot of research on this thing called Lupus and let me tell you...it doesn't sound like fun, can i change my mind to take this ride? Hmmm...guess not. So, now its time to put on my big girl panties and roll with it. only thing is im already in pain and even the thought of rolling sounds like im not gonna be a fan of that either. the worst part is now that im aware of what the problem is it seems like im in more pain now than before. wow...deja vu, sounds like a conversation i had with a dear friend not too long ago. if i could only have words of wisdom for myself to make things easier. i definitely wish there was a redo on life. although im not quite sure at what point i screwed mine up but having already seen the outcome this far im positive i'll notice the yellow brick road when i see it next time. maybe i could be lucky enough to have a flashing neon light that says " not that way stupid" directing me the right way. heck i don't even care if im still poor, just want to be less stressed and have to deal with less crap. oh well, wishful thinking i know but it keeps my brain exercised. in the end if none of my other organs and body parts work at least it will, although at this point im not convinced thats gonna be a good thing. welp, back to reality, back to life, back to the present time, back to the here and now yeah...sorry kinda got lost in a song, and a bad one at that. i didnt even like EnVogue. thats my cue to take a handful of advil and take a nap.