My Christmas Wish

When we were younger we laughed and joked about things we would do when we got older. We would dream and fantasize of the people we were going to turn out to be and the lives  we were going to lead as adults. Then it was just make believe and honestly some of the things we came up with were a little too far fetched for anyone. But through all the jokes and all the hopes and dreams we always envisioned us being together through every experiance. For the most part as we got older and became adults and led adult lives we were together. No we didnt achieve alot of the things we spoke of as kids but we did turn out to be the type of people we wanted to be. We wanted to be happy and have alot of friends. We wanted great families and raise our kids together like we had. Since you didn't have any kids of your own you treated mine like yours and they have always looked up to you and loved you as much as I have. In 33 yrs I dont recall a time when we were mad at eachother. Yes there were times when we would have disagreements but who doesn't. Both of us knew that we were here for eachother no matter what the situation was, what time it was, or what we had to stop doing or put off so that we could help the other one out. Over the years, even in adulthood, we got eachother into and out of trouble on several occasions and loved every minute of it. We have laughed together, cried together, fought together, and even slept together on a few occassions. I never could have or wanted to imagine my life without you.
You have been gone now for almost 6 months and I still dont want to imagine it but it wasnt either one of our decision. Someone else made that decision for us and now I, along with my kids, have to live the rest of our lives without you. Its hard everyday for all of us. You left behind alot of friends who love you dearly and think about you often. I know Im being selfish but I feel that other than your sisters, I have taken your passing the hardest. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about you and sometimes cry that you arent here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. I miss you with every being of my soul and beat of my heart which is no longer whole since you arent here. I miss your laugh, your smile, your voice, I even miss your chest which was so hairy that MiKayla called you "Uncle Bear".
I know one day I will be with you again and I hope that until that time comes the days and nights become easier. It's almost Christmas and the only thing I want this year is to have one  night with you. I want to be able to tell you how much I love you, I want to tell you how much you have always meant to me and I want to curl up beside you and have you hold me one last time. Since that isn't possible what I really wish for is that you didn't leave this life not knowing that you were a huge piece of my heart. I hope that no matter what, you always knew how much I love you and how much of an impact you had on me.