So...

Even though nothing in my life seems to heading in the right direction and it seems my life is not only at a stand still but spiraling down into a pit of nothingness, my mental state isn't as bad as it could be. Granted it isn't all that great but it could be and has been worse. I am unemployed, have a DWI hanging over my head and no money to pay for a lawyer, expired tags on my car so I can't drive even illegally, and I am struggling with loneliness on an hourly basis not just on occasion, but I have made some changes that are helping me to cope easier than usual. The first thing was taking the door knob of my closet. If I can't hide in there knowing no one can get in then I'm not inclined to go in there. I've even started leaving my bedroom door open when I don't feel like coming out of my room. But the main thing that has helped has been my return to church. There are quite a few members that are still there from when I was younger and they all greeted me and the kids as if I had just been away on vacation and they were happy to finally have me home. But there are also some new members that treat  us the same way. My heart was really touched when last week the lady who used to lead our youth group years ago saw me and immediately held out her arms and started crying. She said she had been praying that "her kids" eventually returned, either to this church or to another. She said when she saw me she knew I was the last one. And actually she's right. Out of that youth class there are only 3 who arent still members. Chris and Rudy who both have passed away and me. I knew as I was walking to my car that I am where I'm supposed to be. For once I know I'm walking on the path that my life was destined for. Where that path is going to lead me I don't know, but I know that as long as I keep looking ahead of me, not behind or to either side and get distracted, I will come out better than I was when I first started.